Game of Champions
by taekinuru
Summary: Upon the Science of Discworld books' events occuring, knowledge of Roundworld spreads across the Disc, and belief erupts. The gods of the Roundworld challenge the ones of the Discworld to a war of wits, over claim to Dunmanifestin.


Game of Champions

Two white haired giants stood before each other, each clearly tense. One was blindfolded, and the other was wild looking from static electricity.

Blind Io's many eyes could not really blink: they were disembodied eyes lacking eyelids (followed by flocks of carrion birds), but if they could have, they would have at the statement his counterpart had made.

"You mean... You intend to take over Cori Celesti, and by extension, Dunmanifestin?" Io asked, his voice revealing the incredulity he had that any could challenge the entire pantheon of the Disc.

"Yes!" boomed Zeus, his voice echoing onto the clouds, "It is, after all, a nigh perfect recreation of what our followers believe Mount Olympus to be like, and you squatters are in our way to us assuming our roles as the gods of the Earth. We have more people believing in us, as your paltry 20 million is merely a fraction of the seven billion who know of us, so we have the superior power here!"

"You are young, and brash... Surely you don't think you can win against us? You are mere copies of us on an imperfect world!"

"As are you. Father, Chronos, thinks we are echoes of you as your wizards accidentally made our world to be like yours, but your world was also an echo of ours through one of our writers inventing you all based on us. So we're both immeasurably ancient, and both sides inspired the other."

"And each of you are united in this matter?"

"Yes. While we have each had our difficulties, especially with each other, we stand united for the humans of Earth."

"As do we, but for the Disc. You do realise we are mostly evenly matched, correct?"

"Yes. I would suggest however that you theoretically do have the upper hand though- you and your followers have first hand experience with magic. And while many of the non-humanoid beings of your world existed in our faiths, they are specifically a part of our retinue as they do not actively exist without us. By and large, to all accounts, you are the champions of this world, and we are the plucky underdog."

A young goddess' eyes bulged in shock, and she rushed to whisper something in Blind Io's ear.

"You are clever, Lightning God. Far more than accounts of you suggest. You understand the nature of the world in which you have manifested... One in a million chance, as they say."

"War would be foolish, we admit. But as a creation of a being from our world, we must at least attempt to take control and defeat you for your sacrilege of our home."

"And the same from us, back at you. Hmm."

The Lady smiled on Io, whose eyes turned to her during that 'hmm'. Io nodded to her, and she spoke to the Roundworld Gods.

"Tell me, have any of you ever played a tabletop dice game?"

"Hang on a second, Gygax, how did you become one of us?" demanded a goat headed god, Mamitu after one very human-looking god put up his hand.

"Similar nature to the Lady of their lot, with shades of Aescipelus of the Greeks. Enough people pray to you, you become a god. Admittedly it's usually 'oh great Gygax, please let me get a nat 20 on this roll' but it counts apparently on the Discworld."

"Huh."

Forseti (who grinned once Gygax' presence was made aware of to him) inquired after a short discussion of the rules took place.

"Right, so we can each choose one champion, either from the Disc or the Earth, who considers us to be their patron, and we can play them through subtle suggestion, and non-physical manifestation of the potentially hallucinatory nature to make them fight the opposing side. The champion must not be a member of that particular god's clergy. The champions must each be sourced from the same universe as all others from that world: there is to be no digging into fictional and alternate versions of reality, for example to get a Christian Superman or a Anoinian King Carrot Ironfoundersson to decimate the other side. Standard canonical Disc, versus Standard canonical Earth.

The end-game occurs when one of our Champions successfully manages to... what, exactly?"

"Scale Cori Celesti?" Suggested Rigr.

"Nah. Too easy with Earth equipment. Speaking of which, can we have a out of context bubble on all of this?" said Loki, who had spent most of the discussion in a staring contest with his counterpart Hoki.

"What do you mean, like make this seem as if it had never happened to the denizens of either world? Sure, the Monks will whip us up a SEP on the entire Game, and sort out the ages and time loss and stuff. Nothing will bleed into the normal timelines." Said Time.

"Okay, so if Celesti is too easy... Hmm. What would be a good challenge that all of our Champions cound undertake on the Disc?"

"Each Disc God has Temples somewhere on the Disc. How about if the Roundworld Champions, set out to destroy each Temple. Meanwhile, the Disc Champions defend them, slaying Roundworld Champions. That way we encourage combat, but also promote ingenuity on both sides. When the war is over, everything is as if it never happened!" said Horus.

"Workable, but it sounds unfair. The Disc have an easier job- killing Roundworld Champions, while we have to systematically destroy their buildings and kill the followers to prevent them rebuilding."

"How about we throw in some Highlander stuff then? Each Champion is immortal except if their heads are lopped off by another Champion, each Champion is aware when another is near. Game is to successfully kill off the other Champions on the opposing side." Suggested Ares.

"That could work, but it's slow." said Monolith.

"If it's to be done, it's best if it was done right, not fast. It's all out of continuity anyhow, so what does it matter if it's slow?" mused Chronos.

"Some of us want to git this over with, you know, mon!" shouted Baron Saturday.

"What stops the Champions from coexisting and keeping to themselves then?" asked Om kindly.

"Self-preservation. If they don't hunt out other Champions, the other Champions will eventually find them." stated Metatron, flickering between forms of a young man clothed in just bright golden fire and an angelic man of middle age garbed in blue robes.

"And what will be their prize, should they succeed?"

"Not necessary. Whichever side wins, it's as if it never happened afterwards. That said... It would be useful to agree on a thing each Champion gets on slaying another."

"Hmm. How about the memories of the slain Champion?"

"Bad idea. Prevents usage of spies and trickery."

"GOOD!" shouted multiple warrior gods.

"Oh shut up. Spies, love, and trickery are all part and parcel of warfare. Hmm. How about this: each God designates a specific prize their follower gets. For example, Thor would provide his warrior with a improvement to his hammer if he should have one, or otherwise apply an increasing effect of thunder to his strikes with whatever weapon with each kill. Offler can provide an increasing amount of trained attack crocodiles to his Champion. Anoia, battle ladles or something, I don't know." suggested Venus, who had avoided making eye contact with her Greek incarnation, Aphrodite- the Roman and Greek gods were mostly ignoring each other, and hoping nobody noticed they were duplicated by virtue of having their names changed and a few extra stories applied onto the Roman versions.

"I can work with that." Said Hel.

"I like it. Next point of order though... Are we restricted to the 'current' year, or can we pick from history and our particular religion's tales?"

"Ugh, you want a Champion that you've already had before? Just history, although if you find one that was in both your history and your faith, go ahead, but bear in mind each of us has the others' religious texts to study. Greeks, don't insult us by bringing out Achilles. Feel free to take people from 'current' time period, whatever that means when we're messing about with time."

"It probably means 2015, guv." said Cthultu, sheepishly waving his tentacles about.

"Okay, we're going to be here all day if fictional gods are here."

"Sadly, Cthultu and his ilk are followed nearly as avidly as some of our most forgotten gods were. They technically count, and that's the best way to count. Besides, you've got the superior numbers even with all we got!"

"Fine. So we begin throwing our Champions into the Disc?"

"Yes. They will each be at the location and time on the Disc as they are. Champions of Earth... I'm not sure how they're going to 'pop' into existence on the Disc."

"Magical Experiment Gone Wrong?" considered Lord Trope.

"That could work. Have the Champions suddenly appear on the Disc in whatever their specific culture would be when the Faculty does something dangerous. Let's do that."

"Then we have reached an accord."

"The first and preferably only war between the gods of the Roundworld and the gods of the Discworld is to begin. Whoever wins, gets posession of Dunmanifestin. May you Roundworlders fail horribly and we reign supreme."

"Right back at you, Io." said Zeus.


End file.
